Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
