I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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