Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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