she sounds like chewbacca in bed
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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