there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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