i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
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It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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