I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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