either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
