You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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