how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
