Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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