I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
