did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
