I think my fart just growled at me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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