if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My dick has a subreddit
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
