you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
