I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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