This girl is more easily done than said...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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