My friends, they love my intelligence
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Randomize
