ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
