wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
