She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
