He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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