Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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