can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
