if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
