The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
