When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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