You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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