I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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