not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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