Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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