I think I am morally bankrupt
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
