btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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