is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
