i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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