the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
