We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
