U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
