The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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