I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
