my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
