Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I could fuck to npr.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
