it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
