I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
