So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
