Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
