Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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