I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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