im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
