well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
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I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
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i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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