I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
