My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
