allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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