covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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