areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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