he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
