Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
