He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize