so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
