Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
where does the pee come out of this thing
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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