cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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