guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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