Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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