I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
