Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Even my vagina gasped.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
