like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
