so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
