He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize