Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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