It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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