Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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