It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
