All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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