How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
