she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
