I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
