Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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