HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
